So, how's your New Year's Resolution going? Did you guys sign up for a gym in January like I did? If so, did you stick with it for more than a week? Are you skipping exercises that you don't like because they suck? I don't blame you, I can't stand arm day, the machines which do the most good are uncomfortable to sit in at 6'.
But, you know what's not "Okay"? Not hitting legs, that's just not cool. Coach is right to be upset with Riley and Jonesy for skipping leg day. Strong legs are an important part of athletic competition, and honestly, being big up top with little legs would look funny.
But you know, that got me thinking, are there enough creatures and combat tricks that only focus on Power? For years the community has made the joke about high toughness being big butts, so obviously, high power is big arms and chest.
The DECK
So, I present you, [[Rakdos, the Defiler]], higher power than toughness. I will also break down some of the cards in the list, and the full decklist will be available
here.
In the time I started going to the gym, I have discovered certain things, and I want to talk about them as if they're Magic concepts. Who knows, you might have a similar experience.
The People
There are a lot of people at the gym, here are some of them.
Front Desk Associate
They are just there to get you to scan your QR code, and sell you a protein shake. Whether or not the associate for Planet Fitness, Fitness Connection or 24-Hour even has a gym membership is irrelevant: their job is to stand at the front, not work out.
But the freaks down at Orange Theory, you know those employees are in the cult.
The Old Timer
This dude is there because his doctor said he won't be able to move his arm after he banged up his rotator cup. Or he believes that he still has it, he might even be right. Regardless of whether or not Old man Eron is still cool in his Led Zeppelin t-shirt is not your concern though.
The dude is taking up the machine you want. He's not even using it, just sitting there. Talking on the phone, reading his emails on whatever machine you wanted.
There will be women at the gym. Don't be weird to them. Look, they're there to get yoked, just like you. They don't want to hear about how you were a star high school football player or how much you appreciate their form or whatever.
And just because they might be dressed some kind of way, does not mean that they want your attention.
Learned that the hard way.
Basically, the women at the gym are just there to exercise. I would hazard a guess that most of them have husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends- whathaveyou. They aren't interested in using the gym as a forum for how you'd be a good romantic partner; they just want to work on their back and listen to Chappell Roan.
And if you see an attractive guy at the gym, probably apply similar logic. Just leave people alone honestly.
My roommate has described moving multiple times his body weight in certain exercises. Why he's doing that is beyond me, but every gym invariably has a dude or two built like a [[Sire of Insanity]] trying to convince you that you too can bench 450 and that if you get big like him you're going to be drowning in whatever you seek.
These people scare me. I just wanted to stop being so fat, why are they trying to sell me on lifting that much?
Equipment
Okay, the decklist contains exactly 0 cards with the type "Equipment". But that's because I couldn't think of anything besides a hammer that wasn't Universes Beyond that looks like gym equipment. But you know, I think this thing looks like a squat machine. Like, I think just out of frame you could put some 45s on either side.
And if you think about any actual equipment that you could see at a gym, tell me in the comments or on Twitter. Please, help me make this deck good.
Collaboration
In some ways, there are elements of competition at the gym. Trying to out lift your friends to see who is stronger. Trying to show up another person so that strangers will think you're cool. And lastly, trying to outdo your personal record on the rowing machine.
But there's also an element of collaborative activity which goes into the gym, and I think there's three main groupings of that fighting spirit.
The first, and most effective, is getting accountability partners. Join a club or a class and make or bring friends with you to help you monitor your development. Beyond the psychological elements of having a group to help you in your endeavors, there's also the benefit of commiserating. Remember, most people hate leg day, so you won't be alone, you'll have plenty of company.
The second, and the one most commonly associated with the gym environment is steroids the dark arts. While steroids black magic is good for short term gains, you're really cheating yourself. That and the increased scrutiny by the police College at Winterhold, I don't know that you'd want to mess with this stuff. Plus, I hear enough [[Dark Deal]]s and your max hand size decreases.
Lastly, and certainly the most engaging to see, is invoking the divine. I'm sure many have said something akin to "GOD, ONE MORE!" while trying to bench, and that's like a half prayer. It's entirely possible that the invocation of something holy, or possibly profane even, would help a person get ripped. Who knows, maybe treating one's body as a temple and treating it as sacred is the spark you need to get in shape.
In Conclusion
Exercise and being in shape is important, just know your limits. Just like in Magic, there are certain tasks that a person isn't ready for. Whether it be 190 lbs on the seated leg press, or cutting one more land for your pet card in Commander. Remember your limits, know your strengths and listen to your body/budget/friends/the haters.
Because if you injure yourself at the gym, or scrub out at FNM, people will make fun of you.
And with that, I bid you all adieu. If you like what I do here, share it with your friends. Any comments, concerns, additions feel free to leave them in the comments or hit me up @1Wollef on Twitter. Remember to stay safe, and have a great day.
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