Magic's Most J6able Legends

There's a lot of very scary and historic things in the world of American politics. However, I am not well versed enough in it to discuss actually salient or relevant topics. Luckily though, since satire is dead and humor may soon be on the chopping block as an increasingly volatile K-addict attempts to bully the world, this is the perfect time for a garbage listicle.

So, here in no particular order are some Magic legends most likely to have engaged in a January 6th style "Protest".

Yasova Dragonclaw

Like any proud member of the "Dragons Ate my Face" Party, she believes that siding with the mortal enemy of your cause to spite one particular individual or group will work out swimmingly. Siding with Nicol Bolas to kill Ugin during the Fate Reforged timeline on Tarkir (which she still calls by the old name) she was sure that she and her people would live. 

I mean, who would believe that a demigod of unimaginable power, capable of creating, sustaining and consuming whole worlds would lie to her? I mean, once he was done killing his blood brother, consuming him possibly and therefore killing an infinite amount of his own kin, he would remember the loyalty of the brave men and women who were there for him.

SURELY. There's never been any trickery or duplicity within the Grixis, Dimir, or any other color association.

 Dack Fayden 

Look, no disrespect for the dead (spoilers from 2019). But Dack was "the Greatest Thief in the Multiverse", and so he would undoubtedly have been there for the devious licks he could get. Crowds are distractions, distractions mean that there's more people to be looked at and prosecuted. And that means so many opportunities to loot (Not that one!). 

Sarkhan Vol

I mean, do I have to spell it out? This dude is just that one vegan shaman dude from J6, but like, with dragons instead of a buffalo head.

The Gruul

"Oh that's a stretch, the whole Gruul?"

Yes. According to the card decimate after its' 2014 Conspiracy printing, the Gruul are a force of chaos in their own right, therefore implying some kind of connection between a permeable mass of the culturally unemployed and underemployed, and their fictional counterparts.

Beyond that, one of the leaders of the clan, one Domri Rade, worked with Bolas. So there's that.

And whereas in the real world many who attended that day were supposed to have day jobs, I believe the Gruul actually are just displaced as the plane has become an ecumenopolis. There's just not a lot of wilderness for them to deal with, and that means they just don't have a lot to do except rage. And that's sad, so they need to make their voices and frustrations heard.

However, unlike J6ers, the Gruul might actually *HAVE* problems worth addressing.

Kambal, either of them really

Every good coup has people working on the inside. So obviously a man responsible for the allocation of resources within the government, whom would have a keen economic interest in the overthrow of a government, to install themselves a dictator of their choice.

And I am not saying any names, but I assume, you know, that there have to be people.

Lazav, a multiple of them

Lazav is currently the leader of the secretive and nonexistent Dimir. They act, allegedly, as spies and record keepers of the happenings on Ravnica. The entirety of the plot of the first Ravnica block was based on his predecessor and signor of the Guildpact, Szadek committing a crime. Fitting then that Lazav would be Q, the mysterious puppet master feeding all of these Free Thinkers their marching orders, conspiracies and possibly snackies if you can get some cool swag from an office.

Tibalt

Tibalt is a former human inhabitant of Innistrad who played with too many Ouija boards or [[Cursed Mirrors]] and is now a Devil-Man. No telling how often he sheds a tear, or wears cool jackets and hats, but he's a character in Magic. And like any other character who gets screentime but nobody really cares about, he would claim to be Q, just for the fun of it.

His magic is inflicting pain on others, and boy howdy has J6 inflicted a lot of pain this country.

Breeches and Malcolm

I'm going to be real here y'all, these guys are pirates who were on Thunder Junction. That's my hard hitting journalism. But like the vibes are there.

Lightning Round: 
Characters whom would have been in the crowd, on accident.

Fblthp- Poor little guy probably got lost.

Loot- He's everywhere. BUT WHY WOTC? What's that little Funko Pop looking head ass ever done to deserve our love and adoration. Stop trying to make Fetch happen.

Yidaro- He's just a meandering dino, why wouldn't he make it there?

Think I missed one of your favs? Don't like the topic of the article? Didn't laugh, then leave a comment or hit me up @1Wollef on Twitter.